Wide Awake
by stargatesg1973
Summary: I think this song pretty much sums up what Tony was feeling when he found out the truth about Ziva and Adam


**_I don't own anything NCIS or Katy Perry. The music that inspired this little ditty is Katy Perry's "Wide Awake" as said the title. I hope you enjoy._**

Tony sat at his desk in the dark office. It seemed like everything had spiraled out of control. Just twenty four hour before, everything was fine. Gibbs wasn't arrested, their jobs weren't on the line and he actually believed that things were moving forward in this undefined relationship with his partner, Ziva. But with the arrival of one Richard Parsons, everything had gone to hell. Tony got up with a heavy sigh and went to stand in front of the windows overlooking the Navy Yard and the Manassas.

Someone in the office was apparently taking advantage of the emptiness and had their radio playing just aloud enough so he could hear the song.

_" And here's the latest from Katy Perry, Wide Awake" _the DJ said

**_I'm wide awake_**

**_I'm wide awake_**

**_I'm wide awake_**

**_Yeah, I was in the dark_**

**_I was falling hard_**

**_With an open heart_**

**_I'm wide awake_**

**_How did I read the stars so wrong?_**

**_I'm wide awake_**

**_And now it's clear to me_**

**_That everything you see_**

**_Ain't always what it seems_**

**_I'm wide awake_**

**_Yeah, I was dreamin' for so long_**

**_I wish I knew then_**

**_What I know now_**

**_Wouldn't dive in_**

**_Wouldn't bow down_**

**_Gravity hurts_**

**_You made it so sweet_**

**_'Til I woke up on_**

**_On the concrete_**

**_ Falling from cloud 9_**

**_Crashing from the high_**

**_I'm letting go tonight_**

**_Yeah, I'm falling from cloud 9_**

Tony snorted to himself. Yeah, that pretty much summed it up. As he thought back now, he thought the moment he started to wake up from whatever fantasy he'd been building started in the that observation room a few hours ago when Parson's badgered Ziva about her relationship with Adam. Boy, had be really read things wrong. With a shake of his head, now he understood more about when Adam had said Ziva had told him a lot about Tony. Yeah, he just bet she did. But would that have been before or after she'd slept with Adam?

Yeah, Tony could relate. When he had confronted Ziva in that warehouse about the accusation and she'd confirmed that Parson was actually on the right track, he felt like he'd been hit in the chest.

" _It was a moment of weakness. I felt alone." Ziva said._

As if that justified everything she'd just thrown in his face.

" _My Hebrew must not have an good as I thought because I could have sworn when I dropped you off at the airport I told you, you were not alone." Tony answered._

_ After a moments thought, Ziva answered with , "Yes, you did."_

_ " Well then, we must have different interpretations."_

_ And with that, he walked away._

**_I'm wide awake_**

**_Yeah, I was in the dark_**

**_I was falling hard_**

**_With an open heart_**

Tony had really believed that he had proven himself by standing by her after her father was killed. Going to Berlin with her. Helping her even after she tried to leave him out by getting McGee to help her and not asking him. After all the times that he lid his life and career on the line for her. After he obviously made a fool of himself and poured his heart out to her by telling her she wasn't alone only to have it thrown back in his face by Ziva sleeping with Adam because she 'feel alone'. Dammit, how much more clear did he have to be when he told her in her own language that she wasn't alone. But now, now he was the one who was alone.

**_I'm wide awake_**

**_Not losing any sleep_**

**_I picked up every piece_**

**_And landed on my feet_**

**_I'm wide awake_**

**_I need nothing to complete myself _**

**_I'm wide awake_**

**_Yeah, I'm born again_**

**_Out of the lion's den_**

**_I don't have to pretend_**

**_And it's too late_**

**_The story's over now, the end_**

It was then, that Tony came to the realization that he had been dreaming. That everything he'd chosen to believe about him and Ziva was nothing more than wishful thinking. The nights of lost sleep of worrying is she was okay, of trying to be there when she needed him. But it was time to let it go and he'd decided to let it go tonight. He was tired of loving someone who had made it perfectly clear she didn't feel the same way. Now, he had to pick up the pieces of his broken heart and move on.

**_I wish I knew then_**

**_What I know now_**

**_Wouldn't dive in _**

**_Wouldn't bow down_**

**_Gravity hurts_**

**_You made it so sweet_**

**_'Til I woke up on_**

**_On the concrete_**

**_Falling from cloud 9 (It was out of the blue)_**

**_I'm crashing from the high_**

**_I'm letting go tonight (Yeah, I'm letting you go)_**

**_I'm falling from cloud 9_**

And boy did the crashing hurt. He didn't think it could hurt this much. Even with Jeanne, the pain wasn't this great. And if he'd known then what he knows now, would he have really let himself get on that cloud? With a sad smile, he knew he more than likely would have. Because like the song said, she made it so sweet right up until he fell to the concrete.

**_I'm wide awake_**

**_Thunder rumbling_**

**_Castles crumbling_**

**_I'm wide awake_**

**_I'm trying to hold on_**

**_I'm wide awake_**

**_God knows that I tried_**

**_Seeing the bright side_**

**_I'm wide awake_**

**_I'm not blind anymore…_**

**_I'm wide awake_**

**_I'm wide awake_**

**_Yeah, I'm falling from cloud nine (It was out of the blue)_**

**_I'm crashing from the high_**

**_Yeah, I'm letting go tonight (Yeah, I'm letting you go)_**

**_I'm falling from cloud nine_**

God did know how he tried the see the bright side every time she pushed him away and every harsh word spoken. And just when he thought he could walk away, she's do or say something that gave him that little bit of hope that Cloud Nine would still hold him. But now he had falling from the high and he'd hit the concrete hard. He finally got it.

With a heavy sigh, he walked back over to his desk and turned off the lamp, grabbed his NCIS backpack and turned to go. He didn't know what the end solution to all of this was going to be, but he knew his castle had finally crumbled and he was letting go. Somehow, he'd pick up the pieces of his broken heart and once again land on his feet.

**_I'm wide awake_**

**_I'm wide awake_**

**_I'm wide awake_**

**_I'm wide awake_**

**_I'm wide awake_**

Tony hit the button for the elevator and he waited patiently as he listened to the last of the song that seemed to fit him so well. He'd have to remember that song and maybe download it. Maybe he'd send Katy Perry a letter telling her that her song couldn't have spoken more truth.

The elevator finally arrived and he started to step through when he realized there was someone standing there. He looked up at the see the sad eyes of Ziva.

" Tony, I was hoping to talk to you before you left."

" I think we've said everything there is to say, Ziva." Tony said as she stepped out and he stepped in. " I get it. Really. And for the first time in a long time, I think I can honestly say I'm wide wake."

He smiled sadly at her as he hit the button for the parking garage, but couldn't help the little bit of satisfaction at the tears that appeared in Ziva's eyes. Maybe he had meant something to her afterall. But it was little too late. He was truly wide awake.

**_This had been bugging me since I first heard this song and the last couple of episodes leading up the season finale. I'm getting a little tired of the will they/won't they thing. At the this point, I just wish they'd get together or cut the ties altogether. But I thought this story was appropriate for how Ton much have felt when he found out the truth about Ziva and Adam. Hope you enjoy._**


End file.
